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从来没有想过原来可以有那么一个人

可以有那么大的影响力。

而更让人心痛的是，

我发现我对你一点影响力都没有。

你可以因为她们变成现在的你，

为什么就不能因为我而改变？

在发现，

和她们相比之下，

我是多么的弱，

多么不值得你为我而付出。

我真的没有办法不去怀疑你多我的爱。

对不起

取舍

忙忙碌碌了几个月，

半个学期就这样过去了。

手头上的工作越堆越多，

时间越来越紧迫。

自己就越来越憔悴。

你怎么变得那么憔悴？

看起来怎么那么累？

你的脸怎么啦？

这些是我这学期听到最多的几句话。

才明白为什么女人必须要那么注重保养。

不再是十八岁，

新陈代谢明显退化了好多好多。

皮肤越来越差，

一不注意就痘痘长满脸，

一不注意就看起来老了几岁。

而这个时候，

你没有资格怪你男朋友看别的女生，

没有资格怪他嫌弃你，

没有资格在他拿你来和别人比较的时候，

大大声说我哪里比她差？

埋怨会变更老，

所以不要选择千万不要选择埋怨。

既然选择了当一个让别人看起来很万能的女大学生，

就别埋怨。

只可以继续埋头苦干。

继续告诉自己要坚强。

也只可以继续让自己憔悴下去。

继续让他欣赏别人身上你无法拥有的魅力。

超爱我老弟曾经告诉过我的两个字，

取舍。

在得到某样东西的同时，

必须要舍弃某些东西。

没有对或错，

只有值不值得。

而我也开始质疑自己所做的一切一切，

是否值得。

我知道我已经没有办法重新选择，

却没有办法为自己找到平衡点。

如果可以重新选择，

或许应该选择当一个真正的女人。

每天闲得要命，

有空就看看偶像剧，

敷敷面膜，

涂涂指甲油，

每天让自己过得开开心心，

睡上足够八小时的美容觉。

让自己看起来容光焕发。

让别人第一眼看你就心情大好，

想多看你几眼，

就算你什么都不会。

打拼，事业，这些都交给男人去做，

反正男人就是要越折磨越有男人味。

到最后，

虽然什么都不会。

却可以百分百依赖男人。

小鸟依人，百依百顺。

让他拥有超强的超越感。

带着你出去的时候，

可以大大方方又骄傲的跟他朋友说，

这美女是我的女人。

当你满足不到他时，

你真的没有资格埋怨他对你的批评甚至是出轨。

因为没有人会不被美的事物而吸引。

既然你没有能力达到水准，

你被取代是一件非常理所当然的事。

或许听起来很极端，

可是这个世界就是那么现实。

而，

人总是那么无能为力。

Semester three

It's been a super long while I don't update my bloggie.

Finally I have some times to update it,

Cause I'm skipping my class due to serious gastric.

I was waken up by the extreme cramp on my stomach this morning.

But,

It's better now.

I had gone through a super busy month.

I'm still busy.

And it's gonna continue until at least mid October.

I never expect I will become such a busy person in my university life.

Until today,

The third weeks I moved into the new hostel,

I still don't have my roommate in my Facebook friend list.

I don't have the time to sit in my room and talk to her.

Well,

The concert is done.

It's not really that good due to the bad sound system,

However,

It's not as bad as I expected.

Congratulations to the whole team.

We did it!  :)

So,

I'm now busying preparing for the competition on mid October.

And,

Enactus is recruiting newbies.

Meetings three times for a week at least for Enactus.

Enactus, band, church.

Schedule is so freaking full! 

For the One and Only brother

Yo Bro.

I'm fine.

Thanks for the blog post.

Well,

What he has said is kinda hurtful.

But maybe this is what he really thought.

His honesty is one of the reason that I fall.

Or maybe I really should control myself by not caring this much?

Well,

I also don't understand how could a bf don't want his gf to care for him.

But,

He has his own thinking.

And,

I'm fine with that,

I guess.

I'm gonna used to it after sometimes perhaps.

And you're right.

I shouldn't have compare him with jyen.

And I find out he is actually not that bad.

He is better in some other way.

And I love it.

Teehee.

We're fine now.

I'm the one who is thinking too much.

And I can see he is trying his best to comfort me.

This is a new relationship.

And it's gonna be a new lesson.

I've to start all over again.

To learn how to be a perfect girlfriend for another guy.

What he wants is kinda different from what I thought he wants.

But we gonna walk through this.

As you said,

This is a phase that every couple should've gone through.

And now we've done with this.

We're just gonna be alright since now then. 

Teehee.

Don't worry about me.

Sometimes I have to be emo,

To balance.

Haha.

But,

It won't be long.

Emo doesn't suit me.

I'm not you. Hahaha! 

Please be tough for your LDR.

I failed mine.

Please don't be like me.

Be tough.

Last but not least,

Love you too. Haha

Random post to pass time

It's been a while since I last blogged. 

We got third place in the EMNE.

Its an improvement,

But still not good.

 :(

So,

My semester break began.

Unlike last time,

I hanged almost everyday.

I had not stepped out of my house for days.

It's kinda bored.

But I really don't feel like going out.

And,

I can't.

Sis and mom is driving the car.

There's no car left for me.

And,

I'm broke. 

No money,

No shopping.

No lifeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Uuggghhhhhhhhh!

:)

This is the day.

Surprisingly,

I'm fine after a night.

No more hard feelings.

Not sure what's wrong with the arrangement.

The only thing I know is that we are all in a team.

Forget about all those unhappy stuffs.

We gonna work as a team.

And beats all the other universities down as a team.

ENACTUS UUM,

We discover,

We develop,

We inspire!

0128am

Done my final. 

And now I'm back in UUM again for the national exposition.

So,

Design got rejected again.

Yes.

I do feel disappointed.

But it's not as much as I thought it will be.

Surprisingly. Lol.

Talked to le VP just now.

I'm not sure if it's right for me to confessed my hard feeling.

Not sure if I'm gonna make thing worse.

But right at that moment,

I just feel like telling everything.

And I hope that awkward feeling can be fixed. 

Something is wrong somewhere lately.

But it's too abstract for me to point it out. 

Well,

It's time for me rest.

Good night world.