lost

It's a busy month.

Enactus, meetings, programs, assignments, practices.
It's been a month since I last went to gym.
No more jogging, no more workouts.
I'm getting fatter and fatter.
I really hate myself in the mirror. Grrr!

I'm just so gonna drown in the works.
I couldn't recall when is the last time I can sleep like nobody's business.
Every night I've to shocked up from my sleep.
Seriously I don't know what's wrong.

I told myself I shouldn't be emo again.
I don't have the time to.

But,
I couldn't help it anymore when I heard the shocking news.

My dear,
Please have the operation.
I know the risk is high.
But,
This is the only way to survive.
We still need to hang out.
We still need to see both of us marry.
And make our children marry in the future.

Don't be afraid please.
I know you couldn't help it.
I'll pray for you,
And you gonna be OK.
Trust me,  trust the Lord.
He loves you.
So do I.

Lotsa things happened.
I really don't know where am I heading to.
Every next step seems so mystery.
I'm so lost.

There's once,
I thought I had found someone to lean on.
But,
Things always turned the other way round after time.
People keep coming and going.
So does he.
I'm not sure what he wants.
He just come and go whenever he feels like he wants to.

And I realised,
I can only depend on myself.
I need to grow up.
I need to stand by my own.
It's hard.
But,
I have to.