第三个学期

不知不觉，

我们在一起七个月了！

谢谢你的陪伴与照顾。

而，

这个学期已经来到了尾声。

这个学期过得很不简单。

谢谢你的耐心与鼓励。

忙忙碌碌了整个学期，

问自己得到了什么？

睡眠时间短了，

皮肤变差了。

时常一天两三个会议，

赶东赶西，

小腿变粗了。

可是如果有人问我，

后悔吗？

我没有。

我承认，

曾经很后悔，

认为自己很多余，

何必搞那么多事，

把自己搞得又烦又累。

可是现在往回看，

其实我过得很充实，

套回我最爱跟我JE 们说的一句话，

No pain no gain.

我这整个学期所 gain 的，

绝对是值得的。

尤其是那些一起努力换来的友情。

再想一想，

快考试了，

顾着 gain,

书没有读到。

好像有一点后悔了现在...

Time. Change.

It's December again.

Last December was a very tough month.

I lost the one that I depended on so much.

Right at this time.

Not to blog purposely.

But the feeling that wanna blog so much suddenly strike.

And suddenly I realized.

Today is the day.

I thought I'm not gonna walk out of it,

And live me own life.

However,

I'm fine here.

Perhaps better.

This semester is a super busy semester.

There are only four posts throughout the whole semester.

I still remember how frequently I blogged last year.

And things goes the other way round this year.

As time goes by,

People changed.

I guess I changed too.

Into a better me.

失败

从来没有想过原来可以有那么一个人

可以有那么大的影响力。

而更让人心痛的是，

我发现我对你一点影响力都没有。

你可以因为她们变成现在的你，

为什么就不能因为我而改变？

在发现，

和她们相比之下，

我是多么的弱，

多么不值得你为我而付出。

我真的没有办法不去怀疑你多我的爱。

对不起

取舍

忙忙碌碌了几个月，

半个学期就这样过去了。

手头上的工作越堆越多，

时间越来越紧迫。

自己就越来越憔悴。

你怎么变得那么憔悴？

看起来怎么那么累？

你的脸怎么啦？

这些是我这学期听到最多的几句话。

才明白为什么女人必须要那么注重保养。

不再是十八岁，

新陈代谢明显退化了好多好多。

皮肤越来越差，

一不注意就痘痘长满脸，

一不注意就看起来老了几岁。

而这个时候，

你没有资格怪你男朋友看别的女生，

没有资格怪他嫌弃你，

没有资格在他拿你来和别人比较的时候，

大大声说我哪里比她差？

埋怨会变更老，

所以不要选择千万不要选择埋怨。

既然选择了当一个让别人看起来很万能的女大学生，

就别埋怨。

只可以继续埋头苦干。

继续告诉自己要坚强。

也只可以继续让自己憔悴下去。

继续让他欣赏别人身上你无法拥有的魅力。

超爱我老弟曾经告诉过我的两个字，

取舍。

在得到某样东西的同时，

必须要舍弃某些东西。

没有对或错，

只有值不值得。

而我也开始质疑自己所做的一切一切，

是否值得。

我知道我已经没有办法重新选择，

却没有办法为自己找到平衡点。

如果可以重新选择，

或许应该选择当一个真正的女人。

每天闲得要命，

有空就看看偶像剧，

敷敷面膜，

涂涂指甲油，

每天让自己过得开开心心，

睡上足够八小时的美容觉。

让自己看起来容光焕发。

让别人第一眼看你就心情大好，

想多看你几眼，

就算你什么都不会。

打拼，事业，这些都交给男人去做，

反正男人就是要越折磨越有男人味。

到最后，

虽然什么都不会。

却可以百分百依赖男人。

小鸟依人，百依百顺。

让他拥有超强的超越感。

带着你出去的时候，

可以大大方方又骄傲的跟他朋友说，

这美女是我的女人。

当你满足不到他时，

你真的没有资格埋怨他对你的批评甚至是出轨。

因为没有人会不被美的事物而吸引。

既然你没有能力达到水准，

你被取代是一件非常理所当然的事。

或许听起来很极端，

可是这个世界就是那么现实。

而，

人总是那么无能为力。

Semester three

It's been a super long while I don't update my bloggie.

Finally I have some times to update it,

Cause I'm skipping my class due to serious gastric.

I was waken up by the extreme cramp on my stomach this morning.

But,

It's better now.

I had gone through a super busy month.

I'm still busy.

And it's gonna continue until at least mid October.

I never expect I will become such a busy person in my university life.

Until today,

The third weeks I moved into the new hostel,

I still don't have my roommate in my Facebook friend list.

I don't have the time to sit in my room and talk to her.

Well,

The concert is done.

It's not really that good due to the bad sound system,

However,

It's not as bad as I expected.

Congratulations to the whole team.

We did it!  :)

So,

I'm now busying preparing for the competition on mid October.

And,

Enactus is recruiting newbies.

Meetings three times for a week at least for Enactus.

Enactus, band, church.

Schedule is so freaking full! 

For the One and Only brother

Yo Bro.

I'm fine.

Thanks for the blog post.

Well,

What he has said is kinda hurtful.

But maybe this is what he really thought.

His honesty is one of the reason that I fall.

Or maybe I really should control myself by not caring this much?

Well,

I also don't understand how could a bf don't want his gf to care for him.

But,

He has his own thinking.

And,

I'm fine with that,

I guess.

I'm gonna used to it after sometimes perhaps.

And you're right.

I shouldn't have compare him with jyen.

And I find out he is actually not that bad.

He is better in some other way.

And I love it.

Teehee.

We're fine now.

I'm the one who is thinking too much.

And I can see he is trying his best to comfort me.

This is a new relationship.

And it's gonna be a new lesson.

I've to start all over again.

To learn how to be a perfect girlfriend for another guy.

What he wants is kinda different from what I thought he wants.

But we gonna walk through this.

As you said,

This is a phase that every couple should've gone through.

And now we've done with this.

We're just gonna be alright since now then. 

Teehee.

Don't worry about me.

Sometimes I have to be emo,

To balance.

Haha.

But,

It won't be long.

Emo doesn't suit me.

I'm not you. Hahaha! 

Please be tough for your LDR.

I failed mine.

Please don't be like me.

Be tough.

Last but not least,

Love you too. Haha

Random post to pass time

It's been a while since I last blogged. 

We got third place in the EMNE.

Its an improvement,

But still not good.

 :(

So,

My semester break began.

Unlike last time,

I hanged almost everyday.

I had not stepped out of my house for days.

It's kinda bored.

But I really don't feel like going out.

And,

I can't.

Sis and mom is driving the car.

There's no car left for me.

And,

I'm broke. 

No money,

No shopping.

No lifeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Uuggghhhhhhhhh!

:)

This is the day.

Surprisingly,

I'm fine after a night.

No more hard feelings.

Not sure what's wrong with the arrangement.

The only thing I know is that we are all in a team.

Forget about all those unhappy stuffs.

We gonna work as a team.

And beats all the other universities down as a team.

ENACTUS UUM,

We discover,

We develop,

We inspire!

0128am

Done my final. 

And now I'm back in UUM again for the national exposition.

So,

Design got rejected again.

Yes.

I do feel disappointed.

But it's not as much as I thought it will be.

Surprisingly. Lol.

Talked to le VP just now.

I'm not sure if it's right for me to confessed my hard feeling.

Not sure if I'm gonna make thing worse.

But right at that moment,

I just feel like telling everything.

And I hope that awkward feeling can be fixed. 

Something is wrong somewhere lately.

But it's too abstract for me to point it out. 

Well,

It's time for me rest.

Good night world. 

Some Random Nags

Finally I'm almost done with my final exam.
One more paper to go.
But it's gonna be on the 27th.

I'm back from Hatyai.
My holiday began.
But it's gonna stop very soon too.
Sigh.

It's time to start my annual report design.
But seriously I've no idea how to deal with the Illustrator!!!

Memory full

Exam month is here again.

Too many things to memorize.

Seriously,

I need bigger capacity of brain storage. 

给最爱

我又想家了。

并不是要炫耀，

可是我真的很庆幸，

出生在一个这样的家庭，

在充满爱的环境下成长。

踏入大学之前，

我什么都不会，

什么都由妈妈打理。

不会洗衣，

不会拖地，

不会吃鱼，

不会去鸡骨。

而爸爸常说，

慈母多败女。

他却也是一味的宠我们。

所以，

我不会认路，

不会开汽水罐，

不会打油。

想再想起来，

真的很夸张！

父母的爱，

公公婆婆阿嬷的爱，

令我觉得全世界的人都那么的善良，

每一个人都是天使。

没有受过什么大的挫折，

自己很享受活在那个非常美好的世界里。

所以，

我很努力的对别人好。

相信只要对人好，

肯定会得到相等的回报。

而自己也很享受对人家好的过程。

却忘了最重要的他们，

把他们的爱当做是理所当然的。

现在，

少了每一天的嘘寒问暖，

少了每一天的拥抱，

才发现这之前的一切一切原来那么的珍贵。

来了大学，

才知道很多事情都需要自己解决。

看到太多的是是非非，

才知道和人相处不简单。

也不是每一个人都会对你好。

我才发现，

这世界原来那么大，

大到可以容纳那么多种人。

没有了他们当依靠，

自己必须学会坚强。

再也不是那个为小事而掉眼泪的小女孩。

也许已经不像从前，

再也没有人会帮我擦干眼泪，

让后帮我解决问题。

眼泪少了，

烦恼却没有少。

很多时候，

真的有那一股冲动，

想要直接回家，

然后永远呆在他们的怀抱中。

当一个永远长不大的死小孩。

但是，

我知道他们想要看见我的成长，

他们的盼望，

全都寄托在这里。

也许在这过程中我会面对更多的起起落落，

但是这也许就是我可以回报他们最好的方式。

而现在的我，

多了一个他让我靠。

我相信我会比想象中还要强大！

爸爸妈妈妹妹，

公公婆婆阿嬷，

我想你们了。

我爱你们。 ❤

For you.

So,

It's 3rd of June.

Happy 21st birthday boy.

Erm.

All I wanted to tell is written in the card.

So I guess I do not need to repeat it again in my blog right? Teehee.

Boy,

It's really glad to have you with me in this place.

All the warmth and the love you gave,

Make me feel like I'm blessed so much!

Thank you very much!

❤

❤

从教会回来了。

上一次去，

已经是好几个星期前的事了。

今天的服事很不同。

带着落寞的心情踏进教会，

带出来的却是满满心灵上的平安和喜乐。

短短几小时的服事，

医治了我这几天所累积下来不愉快的情绪。

昨晚睡前的祷告，

今晚彰显了。

忙忙碌碌的几个星期，

使我忽略了与神共处的时间。

整个晚上一直在探讨，

探讨自己哪里出了问题。

想不透到底自己发生了什么事。

才知道，

我最需要的其实只是那几分钟安静下来的时刻。

把一切都献上交托，

领受神的医治。

感谢主，

在我最落寞的时候，

差遣了他鼓励我去教会。

让我明白，

无论什么事，

我都有最最最大的靠山，

最最最坚固的避难所。

也许该检讨自己，

是不是忽略了天上的父，

而忙于追求地上的诱惑？

是不是在忙碌追求物质的时候，

忘了其实神已为我们准备了最好的？

Change

Went back home yesterday.

There's no place in this world can gimme this kind of warmth.

It's perfect.

This one and a half day is seriously awesome.

Had the birthday celebration.

The conversation on the beach is the best, for me.

At least I understood what he has on his mind.

But it shouldn't happened this way,

And I was like kinda spoilt his mood. 

That guilt is crawling all over me.

I shouldn't had act this way.

Sigh.

I thought I will have a sweetening blog post.

But the timing is not right perhaps?

Not now.

I believe, 

What's yours,

Will be yours.

It doesn't matter how long it takes.

Doesn't matter how many barriers we have to face.

God always has His own perfect plans on us.

But,

What is wheeling in my mind throughout the whole night is killing me.

However,

I still prefer an ugly truth than a beatiful lie.

And I know,

I shouldn't expect people to treat me the same way back.

I know I have to accept it.

This is him.

The real him.

But sometimes I wonder if this is the right way?

I realized I'm care much more than I can handle.

And it turns out bad.

However,

This is all under my expectation when I made the decision.

I know I can handle it.

And,

I'm sure we will get into a better stage after sometimes,

After I have my own's feeling well balanced.

I seriously don't like how I feel right now.

Don't like the internal part that makes me feel this way.

It shouldn't exist.

I'm just so gonna get this thing out of me.

It's time to grow up, lil girl.

I never thought that the post will look like this after the celebration.

It's freaking weird. Lol

莫名奇妙

I don't feel good.
Having mood swing.
Out of sudden,
For nothing.

It's been been a while since the previous time I had this kind of feeling.
Just don't feel like talking,
Don't feel like moving.
Don't feel like doing anything.
Even though I've lotsa works to do now.
It's like tons of them.
But I just don't feel like touching them.
I don't know where to start!
Ugh!
This feeling is killing meeeeeeee!

❤

Everything happen for a reason itself.

Well,
It's not really a good thing though.

But,
I guess both of us got something earned after this. :)

Desserts

It's kinda busy lately.
And,
Final is around the corner.
OMGOMGOMGOMG!

Final is the only thing that stressed me up.
Final means
emotional lost, unhealthy lifestyle, weight gaining, pimples.
Arghh.
Hate that shit, seriously.

National is one week after the final.
Another big wave.

I can handle that well,
I guess. :/

05181118

下了一下午的雨，
今晚的天空挺干净。
星星很多，
很亮。

而，
我在这片星空下做了一个重大的决定。
一个纠缠了一段时间的决定。

来得有一点快。
出乎我的意料。

我不知道以后会怎样，
可是，
在这一个时刻，
我相信这不会是错的决定。 ❤

:)

Just finished talking with Alvin Ang Diquiren.
He is still as ego as usual. Lol.

Seems like he is trying to get himself a new life.
All the best for your career.  :)

He makes me think of Jyen after talking with him.
He said it's a big loss for me to let go of a boy like Jyen.
Indeed.
He is the best guy I had ever met.
The way he treated me,
Make me feel like I'm his world..
I'm part of his life.
I thought I will never find myself a new boyfriend.
I believe there will be no one can treat me like how he does.
Never worry that he will be betraying me.
Never worry of him because of MIA.
Pampered me everytime when I was down.
Fulfilling every requirements of mine no matter how ridiculous it is.
Yes. I was his princess. Haha.

But,
Things are just too different right now.
Half year gone.
I'm still alive. Lol.
We were not keeping in touch as frequently as we thought.
Yea.
Feeling changed.
He is no longer the one who I thought of when I was in trouble.
He is no longer the person who can be able to let me to lean on when I need a shoulder.

But,
I will never forget about him.
A person who treat me so well for two years.
Seriously,
I never regret spending two years of my life with him.

Eight months passed in my university.
I realized I have grown up more than I expected.
I am no longer the little girl who cries on every single thing.
I had learnt to be independent.
Learnt to be tough.
Learnt to take care of myself.
After few months of emo-ing,
I am now more optimistic than I was.

As time goes by unknowingly,
Eye sight expanded.
No pain, no gain.
It's kinda true.
Walked out from the pain and I'm tougher than I was.

After seeing boys coming and going around,
I found out promises are just too abstract.
I don't know how long will it takes to get myself into a new relationship.
And never think about how long can it last.
But what I have now is really out of my expectation.  :)

For Debra

Rolling on the bed,
And I really couldn't sleep.

And now I realized I couldn't find myself someone to talk to.

Deb,
I really miss you so damn much.
Cepat balik from Switzerland please.

I need your hug.
I need you to stop me from crying right now.
I need you babe.  :'(

To the annoying lil brother of mine

Yo YiLioJun.
It's been awhile I didn't mention you in my blog.
How are you?
I miss you dy lerh.
I want friessssssss!
Partying, partying, YEAH!

Know what,
You made me think of you when my phone got snatched.
We got our new phone on kinda close date.
And we our phone got robbed on kinda close date too.
Awww!
How sweet! Hahaha!

Anyway,
Didn't see you for quite long dy.
Take great care of yourself kie?
But,
Super great care of my instax camera please.
Cause I'm really broke now.
I have to start to do my saving for new phone.
If,
You spoil my instax and I'm gonna broke your MacBook into pieces.
I guess i meant ASHHHHHHH!

Remember to update me all your 后宫 when I'm back.
See yea! ❤

:'(

Tomorrow is 511.
Seriously,
I wanna go so so so much!

But my leg is getting serious.
It's swelling.
It's so freaking pain until I can't step it on the floor.
I can only drag it while walking.
I look exactly like an OKU now.
How?!

I wanna goooooooo!!! :'(

:D

Yo readers!
我很好。
不要担心我。
其实我自己也有一点惊讶，
我竟然可以复原得那么快。

没有生气，
没有伤心，
只是很心痛，舍不得我的电话和里面的照片。

我知道，
失去了就是失去了。
我也不能够做什么。

失去了电话，
努力存一存钱就可以买一架新的了。
而，
这件事情发生过后，
我所得到的是买不到的，
那些关怀。
我发现，
真的有很多人其实很关心我。
谢谢你们。
哪怕只是一个简单的问候，
都令我的心情大好！

至于那个抢匪，
说真的，
我没有生气他。
我自己也没有办法理解为什么。
我相信没有人愿意当抢匪。
没有人愿意靠这种方式过生活。
他所面对的困境或许是我们没有办法想象的。
也许就是这一架电话，
可以为他的生活，
做一些改变。
也许这一架电话，
可以帮助一些真正需要钱却走头无路的人。
为他祷告吧！

0509

So this is what I got after the incident.

I'm so sorry for making you people worry.
Especially mom and dad.
I'm the person to blame.
I find it incredible when I'm not angry at the robber at all.
Maybe he really need some urgent money.

Dear readers,
Please be careful.
Especially in a small town like this.
Do not use your phone while standing at the roadside.
You're actually tempting people to rob you.

Thank you those Malay girls who helped me after the incident.
And some Malay guy who volunteer themselves to take me to the police station.
Thanks Danny for concerning.
The YAB boy and the couple who lend me their phones.

Qing Xing who rushed into campus from kachi just to make sure I'm ok.
Hey,
I doesn't meant to chase you back.
But,
I worry I'll take quite a long time and you can't get yourself back to kachi.

Sean,
Thanks for fetching me to the town again.
And sorry for troubling.

Something better is prepared by God when something is taken away.
Bye Note 2.

I might not be able to get back my phone number so soon.
Contact me through Facebook kie?
It seems to be the only way for this moment.

Seasons in the memory

It's 2.20am now.
And I just got onto my bed.
It's super tired today!

Guess what?
I just had my performance done!
It's an awesome one.
I was so freaking nervous before the performance.
And the postponing of the program is killing me.

But,
I enjoyed myself very much once I got onto the stage.
I thought I can never smile, I thought I'll be freaking nervous until making mistakes.
But the awesome fact is I smile like nobody's business.
And I'm not nervous AT ALL.
Maybe it's because I really can't see the audiences down there.
They're all dark.
And they are less than I expected.
LOL.

It's superb when we did such a great result after two months of practicing.
We are great!
All of us who involved in the event are AWESOME!

Justice?

I never thought I will cry for my country.

This election makes me feel that we are all Malaysian.

Working up together for the same goal.

Looking forward for a change.

But,

After looking at the result,

I realized that the reality is not as simple as we thought.

All of the hard works had turned into bubble. 

It is not strong enough to fight with the dirty tricks.

黑

我今年二十一岁。
今天二十岁。
所以，
我不能投票。
就是那么短短几个月。

起初，
我感到很遗憾。
我想为我住的小岛出一些力。
哪怕只是渺小的一张票。
可是现在，
我很庆幸，
庆幸自己没有那个机会投票。
因为如果我今天去投票了。
我现在应该不会只是流眼泪。

终于告一段落了。

心情从早上的不安，
到下午的紧张，
然后晚上的稳赢的信心，
一直到现在这一份跌落谷底的失望和无助。

没有了。
一切一切的希望和盼望，
就在电源回复的那一刹那，
被彻底的灭了。

我以为团结就是力量。
力量是有了，
可是还是抵不过他们污浊的手段。
贿赂人民，失败了。
不要紧。
有警察护送的幽灵选民。
失败了。
不要紧。
直接换票，补票。
所以，
赢了。
赢的就只有选举。
其他的都输了。

ubah

I'm not sure why.
But I've the strong feeling to blog now.

So,
I was having fun with the cousins at the karaoke.
Until we recieved call from daddy.
Asking us to go home earlier.
I know he is not going to sleep if we are not home.
So, we stopped singing one and a half hours before the section ends.
Anyway,
A few hours is fun enough for us to bond.
They're just way too lovely.

We used to meet up so much last time.
But,
We were separated now.
Studies, careers.
Yet,
We're still so close.
Like how we used to be.   :)

So,
Few more hours to go.
The election is finally here.
It's an election,
But it sounds more like a war.
People from different parties are fighting each other.
Outside seems so freaking dangerous now.

Today is the day.
Seriously,
We need to change.

No one knows how is the new government gonna be.
But it's obvious to see that the old government is rotting.

Ini kalilah,
Ubah.

Blueee

Hanged out for like ten hours today.
With the BFFs.

Didn't mix with them for the whole day.
Went pedicure, singing and dinner.
We only mixed together during dinner time.

It's kinda tired today.
And the traffic makes me feel like jumping out of the car.
We thought Queensbay gonna jam.
But,
It's not at all.
The town.
My goodness.
JAMMMMMMM!
Seems like everyone is heading to Esplanade.
The passion of the people towards DAP is so much bigger than those idols.
It's kinda surprise actually.
At least people nowadays are more passionate.
Looking forward for a change.
Instead of getting threatening by the lousy government.
But keep complaining,
Without taking any action.

I used to be ignorant about politics.
It doesn't seems interesting to me.
Lies, frauds, moneys, reputation..
All of these are politics.
None of them good.
So I rather ignore them.

But,
The 'I wish I can do something' feeling is here,
When I was back into my lovely island.
Seeing blue flags everywhere.
The whole island is so political.
I seriously have no idea what the hell is the reason of those lunatics putting so many flags all around.
It's really exaggerating!
My lovely island changed.  :'(
It's not beautiful anymore.

So,
The election is getting near.
Dad warned me,
In a really serious way,
Asking me not to go out this Sunday and Monday.
I've no idea what shit gonna happen on the coming days.
None of us has.
I am just hoping that this thing can end real fast.
I hate to see those flags!

03/05

我以为我的心很坚定，
可是，
好像动摇了

Yes or No

I'm back in Penang for like a few days.
Was kinda busy these few days.
Hanging out. And slacking at home. LOL.

However,
Something just happened today.
I can't deny it.
Today's a wonderful day.
I feel blessed.

But,
I felt kinda stress when I was needed to make decision.
It's a MUST. I know.
Maybe like what was said,
Make it without thinking too much, before our mind make it complicated.
But I just can't help it.
My mind keep rolling in things.
Arghh.
Boom!

Speechless

Just done chatting with XinJing.
Guess what,
Mr.A removed her from his friend list.
What?!

Yea.
Ridiculous.

Blessed

Today's mood is like sucks to the max.

I couldn't hold my tears anymore when I see her crying.
So it end up like two of us crying in the class. Lol.

However,
I know I'm blessed.

The heavy rain after the class.
I know.
It's horrible.
My pants and shoes.
Bag and shirts are all wet.
But,
The heavy rain cheered both of us up somehow.
We sang in the rain like nobody's business.
We knew that no one can hear us when the rain is dripping so loud until we cant even hear the voice of each other clearly.

So the rain stopped after we get onto the bus.
Yea. We're trolled. Haha.

Then,
I went to the dance practice.
We had finished both of the songs.
We just gotta start polishing until we can dance on same timing.
And look neat.
I went the one hour earlier.
And start practicing.
Sweating released my stress.
I seriously feel much better after sweating.
And of course,
All of them cheered me up.
They're just way too cute! Haha.

So,
I reached hostel at ten.
After taking the shower.
I straight start singing with xinjing again. Haha.
Yea.
We need to sing!
Sing out real loud to release all the stressssss!
So,
We sang for three hours plus.
Until we're so freaking tired.

Thanks God for blessing me with all these wonderful people around me.
The BFF gang who did the dance practice and dinner with me.
XinJing who sing with me in the rain, cried with me in the class, sing again until the late midnight.
Yi Lio, the most awesome bro in the world.
Ethan Tan who remembers all of my friend's name.
Deb who make me smile for a single text. Babe, cepat balik from Switzerland. I can wait no more!

All of you are AWESOME! ♥

lost

It's a busy month.

Enactus, meetings, programs, assignments, practices.
It's been a month since I last went to gym.
No more jogging, no more workouts.
I'm getting fatter and fatter.
I really hate myself in the mirror. Grrr!

I'm just so gonna drown in the works.
I couldn't recall when is the last time I can sleep like nobody's business.
Every night I've to shocked up from my sleep.
Seriously I don't know what's wrong.

I told myself I shouldn't be emo again.
I don't have the time to.

But,
I couldn't help it anymore when I heard the shocking news.

My dear,
Please have the operation.
I know the risk is high.
But,
This is the only way to survive.
We still need to hang out.
We still need to see both of us marry.
And make our children marry in the future.

Don't be afraid please.
I know you couldn't help it.
I'll pray for you,
And you gonna be OK.
Trust me,  trust the Lord.
He loves you.
So do I.

Lotsa things happened.
I really don't know where am I heading to.
Every next step seems so mystery.
I'm so lost.

There's once,
I thought I had found someone to lean on.
But,
Things always turned the other way round after time.
People keep coming and going.
So does he.
I'm not sure what he wants.
He just come and go whenever he feels like he wants to.

And I realised,
I can only depend on myself.
I need to grow up.
I need to stand by my own.
It's hard.
But,
I have to.

im a troublemaker

I'm back in UUM.
After all the shitty things.

So,
This is the first time I felt that myself is really a troublemaker.
I'm bringing troubles to all those beside me.
Making people worry.

However,
Once again,
It's proven that
My prayers was listened.
Something unexpectedly just happened and to make the situation better.
Even though it's not the best solution.
And it is the most incredible things that could happened.
I never thought this could happen.
God is watching after me.
So,
Wipe the tears.
Keep the prayers on.
I'm gonna be supernatural. *Teehee *

Everything's over now.
Thanks God.

sigh

I'm gonna fly to Bali tomorrow.
But,
I really don't have the mood.
I'm so freaking down.

So,
Sth happened yesterday.
A lorry crashed into my car while reversing.
He said he'll pay for the repairing cost.
And,
The amount had freak him out.
Now,
He's trying to put the blame on me.
He says I stopped my car on his property.
He says the road is his road.
I've to bear the responsibility too.

So,
Now he's just gonna take the 50 percents of the cost.
And we'll take the other half.

Dad and mom are not blaming on me like how I expected.
Their loves make me feel even guiltier.

The way that uncle talks is so harsh.
I know dad and mom are holding back so hard to avoid conflict.

I'm sorry.
They're hiding the anger and disappointment just to let me feel better
They're acting normal so that I won't take the blame so hard.
Daddy and mommy,
I'm really sorry.   :'(

HOME

I feel like blogging the whole day.
But,
I don't have the time.
Until now,
It's eleven sth in the night.
And I'm finally free.

So,
Today is a freaking tiring day.
I woke up at six in the morning,
Out at seven.
Came back at ten.

I followed one of the project outing today,
It's called HOME.
There's two minor projects under it.
Which is mainly for the women and one for the kids.
We are trying to bring some impacts to those people in one of the village in Baling.
All of them are the only orang asli that exist in this world.
Yes.
WORLD.

Let's not talk about the women.
Cause im handling with the kids project today.

Someone told me that the place is gonna be horrible.
And,
Yea.
I was freaked out.
And they said the weather is gonna melt me.
So,
I prayed last night.
And guess what.
The weather is so perfect!
Like,
No hot sun neither rain.
It's not cloudy too.
It's just nice.
Best weather I've had in kedah. Hahah.
Thanks God for the super fine weather! Amen!

Then the kids!
They touched my heart.
Deepest part in my heart.

They're so naive.
They might not look very adorable or clean.
But, trust me.
I hugged them because they're just too cute!

They don't have electronic gadgets.
They're just running around.
Fooling around with other kids.
There're around forty of them.
From the age of three until thirty.
But they just mix around like brothers and sisters.

Six hours or activities,
None of them cries,
None of them disobey kakak's and abang's instructions.
They're too helpful until they're willing the help us in everything.
It's really touch when you see the elders take care of all the youngers like they're their own brothers or sisters.
A simple compliment satisfied them and that make them smile.
It's the smile that gonna cheer you up.
They're so independent.
No parents ever step or come after to look at their children during the activities.
Even the one hour break,
They can just walk back home with all of the friends,
Holding the hands of the youngers.
To have their lunch and shower.
Then,
Come back to the same place in time.
None of their parents shows up.

Believe me,
None of the child in the city will give me this kind of feeling.
They're just too naive and easily satisfied.
We feel very proud of them like they're our brothers and sisters.
And,
The nature of the village had brought us so close.

A rubber ball,
Satisfied the whole village of children.
This village of children,
Gave me the best feeling ever in the worse place I've ever been.

I love 'em. ♥

Homesick!

So it's Monday.
Well,
I'm not facing Monday blue.
Kedah people usually face Sunday blue. Haha.

But,
I'm kinda blue today.
Cause many people are going home!
Damn.

I still have to wait till 9th of April.
So,
I'll be going home when people are enjoying their life in their hometown.
Or,
Maybe people had done enjoying and resting at home.

I miss home.
Seriously.
It's been two weeks I've been here.

Well,
It's not really empty since I've lotsa things for me to busy with.
Yet,
I still miss home.
I miss those food in Penang!

Anyway,
Since I've chose to be an Enactus,
I'm gonna do it best.

No pain,
No gain.

Lets see what am I gonna gain. :)

♥

Tired!

But,
I had done my performance,
Not too bad.
Heehee.

Thanks God for leading every step of us.
♥

Hi, Bye.

I met lotsa people in these twenty years.
Some of them stay while most of them left.

I know it's a routine.
So I'm not gonna take it too hard.

Guys,
I know you'll stay if you're meant to stay.
So if you really feel like leaving,
Then just go.

It's not that I don't appreciate you.
But,
I know you're unworthy for keeping anymore when you're thinking about leaving.

It's gonna be hard for me I know.
But,
Wheels keep spinning.
New pepole gonna show up.
I won't be down for too long.

Updating

Well,
Someone asked me why didn't I update my blog for so long.
Hahaha.
Paiseh har bro,
I really don't know what to update. Haha.

Life's getting busy these few weeks.
Practices, assignments, meetings.

So,
I'm fine.
Real fine.
But I still miss home very much.

That's the only place make me feel comfortable enough.
Whenever they're around,
They make me feel secure.

Gonna work hard for these three years.
And,
Bring them back some results.
❤

I'm back.

Well,
I know I was not in good mood last few weeks.
Everything seems so miserable to me last few weeks.
Things that cheered me don't cheer me anymore.
What I can do I to keep myself praying.

And,
God had done his works and I can feel it.
Maybe people appear to cheer me up,
Hints were send while I'm studying the bible,
Motivating quotes on Facebook seems to be shown up more frequently,
Motivating videos on how a Chritian mother raises up her blind child.
And I got to realised that how lucky am I to be here, blogging. LOL.

I'm back people.
With the smile.
Remember to slap me hard in my face whenever I'm down again.
Haha.

:(

In the class now.

Well,
I'm down again.
Something's really wrong with me and I know that.
But I really don't know how to get over these.

So,
I promised my friends to go AS with them for dinner.
But,
I ffk them just now.
I know he's not feeling well.
Yet,
I really don't feel like going.

I'm really sorry.
But I know if I'm going with this kind of mood I'm gonna ruin the whole dinner.

I don't know what's wrong.
Maybe I'm the one who's thinking too much.
But seriously I can feel that she don't like me.
I thought things changed.
And I thought we gonna get closer this sem.
But the fact is she's still as harsh as how she used to be.
She still likes to objects me.
She still refuses hanging with my friends.
She still likes to rejects me.
She still like to slander me.
Anyway,
I still holding a slightly faith on her that the things others told me is not true.
I really don't wish to get back stapped by her.

I prayed and prayed.
And things seems better, I thought.
But,
I think I've to wait longer for God's works.

:(

Finally back in my room.
Had five classes, meeting, jogging and dinner.
And,
Vomited!!!!

Just finished talking with mom, dad and sis.
I really miss them so much.  ♥

Wrong!

Went to CGCC for cell group today.

I had my first hymns leading service in the church today.
I thought I can handle it.
But,
The fact is I'm so freaking nervous.
I can't even remember the lyrics and the rhythm of the songs!
Thing got worse when I heard my shaking voice surrounding the whole church.
And it sounds so wrong!
It's really ridiculous. Haha.

Anyway,
I had done it.
And I know things gonna be better next time.
:D

Thanks

Woke up and realised there're 66 new voicemails in my wechat by one person.
I was like,
Damn! Kena spam again.
Hahaha.

Anyway,
Mr. Goo Chin Heng,
You're really talented.
In talking alone.
Even though I didn't respond.
But you manage to send me 66 voicemails all by yourself.
WOW!
Haha.

I was spammed.
But, seriously I wanna thank you.
For all the prayers and those hymns.

I'm not gonna down for long.
At least I'm OK now.
Don't worry about me.

I know and thanks a lot for keep reminding me,
Our Father is always there.
Protecting us,
Arranging us the best arrangements.

Every fall make us stronger.
I'm gonna learn from mistakes.
I'm gonna be leading.
I'm gonna be supernatural! Haha.

Again,
Thanks.  :)

Changed.

So,
I'm back again.

Looking back to the pass,
I realised I changed quite a lot.
Not to be better,
But worse.

I was so damn cheerful last time.
And I find out my mood got affected very easily these months.
I got down when I got accidentally ignored.
I got down when the food that I wanna eat sold out.
I got down when the sun is too hot for me.
I got down when I have not enough sleep.
I got down for no reason sometimes.

I was thinking what's fucking going on?
What's fucking wrong?
I changed myself into an antisocial person.
After I had loss some of my friends.
I refused to make new friends.
I refused to share.
Even blogging which was part of my life seems not much important to me now.
I don't even write my dairy everyday like how I used to be.

C'mon.
I said I wanna change.
Change back to how I used to be.
But things seems kinda tough for me now..

:D

It's Tuesday!
But I'm so busy since morning till now.
This is not how a holiday should be. :(

Started to get busy.
Enactus, assignments, revisions, meetings, church services.

But,
I kinda enjoy it.
At least my mind can stop wondering and thinking for bad stuffs while I'm busy.

Time to get back to works.
Bye readers.

I know I've turned lazy and blog lesser these few months.
Haha.
I'll be back. :D

Bye Feb. Bye Sad.

It's the last day of February.
And i think i should blog something. Heehee

So,
It's the second month of 2013!
This is real fast!

Well,
Some bad things happened in these two months
and of course some are good.

Let's forget about all the bad things and live myself a better months with all those great things.

Thanks God for sending me living in this world for twenty years.

Debbbbbb

Had Skype with Debra just now.

Babe,
Thanks a lot for the consultation. Haha.
I felt much better after talking to you. ♥

Yea,
God had made me the best arrangement,
It's just the matter of time.
I should enjoy my uni life.
Like how you do.  :D

Thanks for listening to me and giving so much support.
I really can't imagine how misery my life will be without you! Haha.

And,
I MUST get myself a Christian husband. Teehee.

Darling,
Take great care of yourself yea.
Will be catching up with you very soon.
Love you!

:'(

Just had a talk with Jyen.

I admit that I still miss him.
But,
I dare not take the risk and broke myself into pieces again.

:(

Tonight's weather is really hot!
I couldn't sleep cause I'm sweating even though my blanket is not on.

Sleepless night always make me feel like blogging. Haha

So,
Things happened these few weeks.
Most of them are
Bad things.

Anyway,
I know
I can't afford losing anymore friends of mine.
Please.
:(

:'(

What to do?
Sometimes I just don't have the right to choose but follow.
I'm sorry for disappointing you guys. :'(

New year post

This is the 3rd day of Chinese new year.

I had lotsa fun during these three days with my family.
I was so busy until I've no time to blog.

This is amazing how we can fool around having fun together.
Even though half of us are far apart for studies and careers.

I love you guys.
Very very much! Heehee!
Boyfie is not important for me.
Because I've all of youuuu!
♥


Here's 'some' photos after our cam-whored!
It's really crazy to have more than 200 photos for two days.
Hahahh!

New year. New hope. New me.

Stay up late for nothing.
Insomnia insomnia insomnia.
I'm so sick of this.

Nemind.
New year is here.
And I know something, somehow gonna be different.
There'll be a different me,
Better me.

Hey yi lio.
I just read your blog.
You really touched me.
Awwwww. Haha.
Don't worry bout me bro.
I'll be fine.
Yea.
Fuck those shit that drag me back.
I promise.
I'll do better in this brand new year.
You too my dear,
Stop flirting around.
Like, nationwide?
What?!
Haha.
Bring me the best girl.
The only girl.
If not I don't wanna show you my six packs.
And,
I really meant it.
Hahaha.

Good night my readers. ❤

:(

So the result is out.
It's as worse as I expected.

Really gotta work harder next sem.
No more distraction for myself.
Please.
I've to get myself a better result.

Sisterhood

Spent the whole day with da girls.

It's been awhile we didn't meet each other,
And
This is the first time we meet like this.
Without our bfs. Lol

Things changed.
A lot.
Within these months.
Three of us are single now.
Even though we got to know each other through our exes.

It's amazing how we keep in touch even we're no longer with our exes.
We chat a lot.
For the whole day long.
Like non stop.
And laughed like nobody's business.
Until we got complaint. Haha.
We chatted even more than last time.
We really should meet up more.
One day is not enough for us.
We've so much to talk about!

Girls,
Let go of what we should let go.
Rock our new life!

:D

Finally
I got myself a new phone.   :)

2:37am

Please don't let the same shit happen. :'(

Thanks

Thanks.
It's really surprise.

I'm really sorry.
I didn't meant to hurt you.

Be tough.
Forget about me,
And start yourself a new better life.
:)

:)

Yea.
I should start myself a new life. ❤

25th of January, 2013

一个多月了，
我以为我已经痊愈。
如果我们还在一起，
今天将会是第二十八个月。


当别人问起时，
我总是嘻嘻哈哈的笑过。
说我没事，
说我很好。
我也以为我很好。


直到听了这首歌，
我才发现，
要放下一个人并没有那么简单。
心还是会揪着痛。
泪还是会往下掉。

我才发现，
没有了一个曾经让我依靠，
曾经跟我一起经历起起落落，
曾经那么爱我，
而我又那么爱他的人，
很空洞。

再也没有人陪我渡过我们的二十五号。

我并不是不要试，
我只是不想要以相同的结局收场。
再次跌得遍体鳞伤。
然后再也爬不起来。

一个人不可能

一个人我在沮丧 
一个人走在路上
泪流下那么荒唐 
分手当初是我在逞强

一个人对谁嚣张 
一个人为谁而忙
我懂了你没反抗 
是因为我不够坚强

只是我一个人
 一个人不可能 
不可能有多快乐我承认

从前是两个人 
两个人多认真 
一年后却像两个陌生人

只是我一个人 
一个人不可能
不可能有多快乐我承认

想回到两个人 
认真的两个人

一个人没有方向 
一个人闷得发慌
谁懂得我的疯狂 
谁会一直在我的身旁

一个人该怎么样 
一个人一个人唱
天冷了你还好吗 
明天是不是会晴朗

只是我一个人 
一个人不可能 不可能有多快乐
我承认

从前是两个人 
两个人多认真
一年后却像两个陌生人

只是我一个人 
一个人不可能 不可能有多快乐
我承认想回到两个人

认真的两个人一个人 
一个人不可能 
不可能有多快乐多温热

再习惯一个人 
一个人再认真 
认真也不能让幸福成真
一个人一个人不可能 
不可能有两个人的灵魂
等待另一个人 
爱的另一个人

:/

It's been awhile since I last update my bloggie.

I'm still here in UUM.
I'll be going back to Penang tomorrow night. :)

I guess my cousin just broke up with his gf.
He's is really down as I can see that.
:(

Love is sick.

Zzzz

It's my last night in Penang.
And,
I can't sleep!!

Swollen eyes,
Sore throat,
Messy mind,
Headache,
Insomnia.

Yea.
All come together.
How great.

Bye bye nice food.

Today's my last day at Penang.
I'm going back to UUM again tomorrow.
For five days. :'(

Went shopping with mom today.
Bought a lots of new clothes and dresses.

And,
I found out,
I'm getting fatter and fatter.
Stomach and laps are getting bigger and bigger.
Chin is getting rounder and rounder.
Shit.

I love food.
But,
I really have to control myself dy.

Bye bye nice food.
We'll meet again on Chinese New Year kie? :'(

For Debra

Hey babe!
Happy birthday! ❤

Too bad we aren't able to make time to meet up this time.
We must make it after 22nd kie?
I miss you really very very much!

Have a blast on your 21st birthday yea my dear.
You're an adult now! Haha.

All the best for your studies and life in Switzerland.
God bless you all the way you go.
And
I love you. ❤

:D

Stupid bro!
Thanks! :D

Home

Finally I'm home!

Too bad I'm home with bad sore throat and swollen eye.

Please,
I need to get well soon and enjoy my holiday.

Good night world. :D

:D

I just came back from the church.

So,
Pastor shared about faith in God today.

Dear Father,
So sorry that I lost my faith in you in the pass two months.

Like what pastor had said,
I should turn to you when I'm facing problems.

I skipped services.
I almost forgot that you're always there.

I've fell last month.
Thanks God for hearing my prayer and make me stand again.

But,
I know I shouldn't have worry so much.

From now on,
I'm not gonna be worry.
Not gonna be emotional.

I know,
You're always there.
Making me the best arrangement.

So,
Yea.
Let's follow the flow.   :)

To Sin Jee ♥

Just finish packing!!
There's really alot of things I have. Haha.

I'm going to the church tomorrow,
So,
I'm going back on the Saturday. :)

Gonna meet my cousin on this Saturday before going back.

Hey boy,
I'm really sad when I know you're crying.
And I cried because you cried. Haha.

You're so tough and I never see you cry since we grow up.
And
I never thought you will cry.

Things gonna be hard for the first week.
My orientation week is sucks too!

After that will fine kie?

I know you find no friend there.
And you have to make yourself into their culture.
But,
what to do? :'(

This is going to be a very big challenge for you.
Take it,
and
Make it awesome!

I know you're reading,
So,
Anything just ring me up kie?
Share with me.
Anytime.  :)
Don't keep everything for yourself.

Jie Jie is here. Haha!
♥ 

Here comes my holiday! ♥

Finally,

I finished all of my paperssssssss!

Yea,

I feel released. 

:D

No more tension,

No more stress.

No more emotional temper lose. 

I'm back!!   ♥♥

Counting down! :D

Just finished my Malaysian Citizenship Studies paper.
Not good at all.
And I knew it since the moment I realized I left my pencil on my desk.

Thanks very much for lending me your pencil. :)

Even though I did a very bad job,
But,
I'm still happy.

There's only,
One more paper to go.
I'm coming home soon!!!
♥

Great day with BFF! ♥

Today is a GREAT day!

It's all began with the early visiting of my family.

After sending my lovely cousin into ILP,

I feel great to be a UUMer. :D

Then,

We dabao Dominos and KFC. :D

So i spent the whole afternoon with ji mui.

Chit-Chatting,

Singing,

and

Manicure!  ♥

The night,

I had dinner with my dearest BFFs.

We had a real great dinner. :D

After that,

I spent two hours at the swimming pool.

Fooling around and memorizing Kenegaraan. Haha.

So,

Now,

I'm back into my room again,

with my roommate in!  ♥

Thanks everyone for making my day so wonderful!

I LOVE YOU ALL!  ♥♥

photo with my tall cousin after he had his hair cut. 

mom says she look old in da pic. mommy, you're still pretty kie? at least the prettiest in my heart!  ♥

a group photo with all my beloved! ♥

lunch with ji muiss!  ♥

manicureeee!  :3